i've been told that because my body is currently dealing with a large shift in hormones that i can just expect to cry randomly or over things that on a "normal" day would not provoke emotion. i'm not sure if i can attribute my most recent tears to this hormonal imbalance or not. it came on sunday, while singing in church. it began "the splendor of a king, clothed in majesty..."
let me back up. i knew that having a baby so close to the time we celebrated the birth of the Savior would provoke some thought. while several have been passing wonderings, sunday's episode made me really think about the idea of the incarnation. it's crazy to think that a King, in all his splendor, "clothed in majesty", came to the earth and took the form not only of a human, but as an infant. thanks to recent events, it struck me just how dependent baby Jesus was on those very people who he had come to save. the most powerful being became completely powerless. in his human form, he could not do a thing to help himself - he needed changing, fed, shelter. and i ask, why would God do that? why would he entrust himself to [us]?
as i talked some of this through with jj, my guess is that He was showing us what a different kind of god He really is.... we know that in the culture he stepped into, gods were a dime a dozen - there were different gods to fit your every need. rob bell has said in his "the gods aren't angry" that one of the biggest messages we can get from God is how He is different than the other gods (watch the dvd for great examples, specifically the sacrifice of Isaac). and so what a way to show it - that this God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, is not a god of "over there" or "up there" or seperate - even though he maintains those attributes in a sense of his holiness - but He's also a God of closeness. emmanuel. God with us.
i'm sure this isn't revolutionary to most people. we've grown up going to christmas eve services celebrating God's coming, emaa-aaa-aaan-u-el (*sing songy voice), but to us that's what God does. He comes as Jesus. But back then... God coming to earth... not as common. now, i'm sure there are some gods or goddesses in roman or greek mythology who do follow a similar pattern (most of the prophesies that Jesus fulfilled also have a greek / roman counterpart, or someone who supposedly did a similar deed - though none proclaim to fulfill them all. and i'm not sure whose existance was known first. we are waaaaaay outside my domain).
i just can't get over mary wiping jesus' butt. or jesus peeing on joseph because he was too slow to cover the wee wee. or mary crying because nursing just wasn't going as smoothly as she had hoped, and she thinks to herself, "will he always treat his mother this way?!" as he chomps and screams. i cannot get over the fact that God would choose to leave heaven - that place that so many of us celebrate as an ultimate destination - to come to earth, let alone as one who needs such constant care and attention. and then, after 33 years of it, also allows those people who he came to rescue to lead him to his death. why would he do that?
God as an infant. it's a crazy idea. but it worked.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
and this is all that i can say right now...
"here's what i want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace." - Jesus, Matthew 6:6
I was reading in my current book (The Year I Got Everything I Wanted: A Spiritual Crisis) about the author's year of struggle in the midst of supposedly amazing things happening - new job with great title, money, gorgeous girlfriend, new city. He speaks later in the book of a particular evening when he really struggled and gave into the temptation of pornography. He makes a profound self-realization in that he says that he doesn't normally struggle with porn except when he's avoiding something in his life - a big decision, a hard discussion, a change. Rather than deal with the inner turmoil, he escapes with some sort of self-gratification.
JJ and i had quite the interesting discussion about the concept - avoiding inner turmoil by seeking self-gratification. I think we all do it in some form. There are the types who seek out gratification in the physical form - drinking, drugs, porn, whathaveyou. Then there are the types who seek it out through inner self-gratification. Hate, self-righteousness, pride.
"Even though we may have a deep desire for real solitude, we also experience a certain apprehension as we approach that solitary place and time. As soon as we are alone, without people to talk with, books to ready, tv to watch, or phone calls to make, an inner chaos opens up in us. This chaos can be so disturbing and so confusing that we can hardly wait to get busy again. Entering into a private room and shutting the door, therefore, does not mean that we immediately shut out all our inner doubts, anxieties, fears bad memories, unresolved conflicts, angry feelings and impulsive desires. On the contrary, when we have removed our outer distractions, we often find that our inner distractions manifest themselves in full force. We often use these outer distractions to shield ourselves from teh interior noises. It is thus not surprising that we have a difficult time being alone. The confrontation with our inner conflicts can be too painful for us to endure." - Henri Nouwen, Making All Things New
"Solitude is one of the deepest disciplines of the spiritual life because it crucifies our need for importance and prominence. Everyone - including ourselves at first - will see our solitude as a waste of good time. We are removed from "where the action is." That, of course, is exactly what we need. In silence and solitude God slowly but surely frees us from our egomania." - Richard J. Foster
"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought..." -Jesus, Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5:3-5, The Message.
I was reading in my current book (The Year I Got Everything I Wanted: A Spiritual Crisis) about the author's year of struggle in the midst of supposedly amazing things happening - new job with great title, money, gorgeous girlfriend, new city. He speaks later in the book of a particular evening when he really struggled and gave into the temptation of pornography. He makes a profound self-realization in that he says that he doesn't normally struggle with porn except when he's avoiding something in his life - a big decision, a hard discussion, a change. Rather than deal with the inner turmoil, he escapes with some sort of self-gratification.
JJ and i had quite the interesting discussion about the concept - avoiding inner turmoil by seeking self-gratification. I think we all do it in some form. There are the types who seek out gratification in the physical form - drinking, drugs, porn, whathaveyou. Then there are the types who seek it out through inner self-gratification. Hate, self-righteousness, pride.
"Even though we may have a deep desire for real solitude, we also experience a certain apprehension as we approach that solitary place and time. As soon as we are alone, without people to talk with, books to ready, tv to watch, or phone calls to make, an inner chaos opens up in us. This chaos can be so disturbing and so confusing that we can hardly wait to get busy again. Entering into a private room and shutting the door, therefore, does not mean that we immediately shut out all our inner doubts, anxieties, fears bad memories, unresolved conflicts, angry feelings and impulsive desires. On the contrary, when we have removed our outer distractions, we often find that our inner distractions manifest themselves in full force. We often use these outer distractions to shield ourselves from teh interior noises. It is thus not surprising that we have a difficult time being alone. The confrontation with our inner conflicts can be too painful for us to endure." - Henri Nouwen, Making All Things New
"Solitude is one of the deepest disciplines of the spiritual life because it crucifies our need for importance and prominence. Everyone - including ourselves at first - will see our solitude as a waste of good time. We are removed from "where the action is." That, of course, is exactly what we need. In silence and solitude God slowly but surely frees us from our egomania." - Richard J. Foster
"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. You're blessed when you're content with just who you are - no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought..." -Jesus, Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5:3-5, The Message.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
the chicken or the egg
or it's equivalent theological question: free will vs. God's predestination.
I have had similar conversations revolving about this topic a few times in the past couple weeks, which is curious because i feel like i rarely have opportunities to have these conversations anymore. but good ol' patty b. started kindling a thought when we were talking about God and babies (2 of our current favorite topics at the moment). when you deal with topics like, people who don't get to have the babies they wanted, or, people who get to have babies they didn't want, God is certainly to show up in conversation, usually as the veiled bad guy (for the one who didn't get what they want) in the phrase, "well, God knows what he's doing..." now really. who's going to argue with THAT statement? of course God knows what He's doing! but i'm not sure it's the appropriate response for the given situation.
so we were verbally processing through such statements and were talking about how when it comes to reproduction in general, somehow the auto-predestination switch gets turned on in people's thought patterns. Patty's a bright girl. She said, "you know, i really do think there are some free will options in the matter. there are ways for people to avoid getting pregnant."
mind you, this is all background material for my general thought.
that's when i told her of my opinion of the predestination vs. free will argument.
i am dramatically opposed to predestination, not because i believe it's theologically incorrect, but because i've seen people live out such beliefs sooooo badly. if you're going to comment about the sovereignty of God or some other great insight as to why we must believe that God predestines us, then please refrain (i'd like you to argue me on my other points, please). You're probably right. I'll just agree with you. bring out the "for those whom God predestined, he also called..." scripture.
the reason i come to butt heads with the predestination believers is not because of thought but because of practice. i have seen before that many a good meaning christian make decisions based on "God's will" that really had nothing to do with God, but more of the good christian's attempt to remove any responsibility from him or her because of the decision. God ordaining something, God making something happen is the mother of all trump cards. Call it the Right Bower (is that how bower is spelled in euchure?). no one wants to argue with what God wants, so a person really only needs to "feel peace" about a decision to decide that it's what God had planned all the time and thus the right decisions and thus, if things go wrong/badly, it's because God ordained that, too.
with this thought pattern, a person will never make bad decisions, they'll just have to live through whatever God decides to insert into their lives.
now, i'm all for a God that just tosses things into our lives. He's done it to me. it's crazy. i believe God does things that are inexplicable. i believe he brings us blessings and he takes us down roads that are a little bumpy. because all these things are included in this journey of life. and i really believe that you should seek God's wisdom when making decisions. you should feel a peace about decisions you make (not lack of fear, but peace). but we have to play the cards that are dealt to us. God does the dealing, that's for sure. but i just can't get there that he also plays the hand for us (can you tell that i should be at the lake? all these card playing analogies...).
so i'd like to be convinced. i'd like to see someone live this beautiful balance of keeping in step with God's will and direction while realizing that as God's child i have to learn to make decisions based upon the model set before me. but there may be times that matt, mark, luke or john didn't record exactly what my example did, so i need make the best decision I can and trust that God is going to help me with whatever this decision brings into my life. he won't "give me what i deserve" because of it, but maybe there's some reaping and sowing involved.
so that's my thought. it was broached again last night by lively conversation, which is why it's still on the brain this early AM.
I have had similar conversations revolving about this topic a few times in the past couple weeks, which is curious because i feel like i rarely have opportunities to have these conversations anymore. but good ol' patty b. started kindling a thought when we were talking about God and babies (2 of our current favorite topics at the moment). when you deal with topics like, people who don't get to have the babies they wanted, or, people who get to have babies they didn't want, God is certainly to show up in conversation, usually as the veiled bad guy (for the one who didn't get what they want) in the phrase, "well, God knows what he's doing..." now really. who's going to argue with THAT statement? of course God knows what He's doing! but i'm not sure it's the appropriate response for the given situation.
so we were verbally processing through such statements and were talking about how when it comes to reproduction in general, somehow the auto-predestination switch gets turned on in people's thought patterns. Patty's a bright girl. She said, "you know, i really do think there are some free will options in the matter. there are ways for people to avoid getting pregnant."
mind you, this is all background material for my general thought.
that's when i told her of my opinion of the predestination vs. free will argument.
i am dramatically opposed to predestination, not because i believe it's theologically incorrect, but because i've seen people live out such beliefs sooooo badly. if you're going to comment about the sovereignty of God or some other great insight as to why we must believe that God predestines us, then please refrain (i'd like you to argue me on my other points, please). You're probably right. I'll just agree with you. bring out the "for those whom God predestined, he also called..." scripture.
the reason i come to butt heads with the predestination believers is not because of thought but because of practice. i have seen before that many a good meaning christian make decisions based on "God's will" that really had nothing to do with God, but more of the good christian's attempt to remove any responsibility from him or her because of the decision. God ordaining something, God making something happen is the mother of all trump cards. Call it the Right Bower (is that how bower is spelled in euchure?). no one wants to argue with what God wants, so a person really only needs to "feel peace" about a decision to decide that it's what God had planned all the time and thus the right decisions and thus, if things go wrong/badly, it's because God ordained that, too.
with this thought pattern, a person will never make bad decisions, they'll just have to live through whatever God decides to insert into their lives.
now, i'm all for a God that just tosses things into our lives. He's done it to me. it's crazy. i believe God does things that are inexplicable. i believe he brings us blessings and he takes us down roads that are a little bumpy. because all these things are included in this journey of life. and i really believe that you should seek God's wisdom when making decisions. you should feel a peace about decisions you make (not lack of fear, but peace). but we have to play the cards that are dealt to us. God does the dealing, that's for sure. but i just can't get there that he also plays the hand for us (can you tell that i should be at the lake? all these card playing analogies...).
so i'd like to be convinced. i'd like to see someone live this beautiful balance of keeping in step with God's will and direction while realizing that as God's child i have to learn to make decisions based upon the model set before me. but there may be times that matt, mark, luke or john didn't record exactly what my example did, so i need make the best decision I can and trust that God is going to help me with whatever this decision brings into my life. he won't "give me what i deserve" because of it, but maybe there's some reaping and sowing involved.
so that's my thought. it was broached again last night by lively conversation, which is why it's still on the brain this early AM.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Saturday, May 31, 2008
closing the door
somehow it seems very appropriate that we move on graduation weekend. this, the weekend before, is when i shall pack. if i can find enough boxes. but i'm sitting here looking around at all the stuff that now must somehow find its way to a new home in findlay.
i hate packing not only because it involves lifting heavy things and being forced to purge others ("what if i need that later?"), but because it also means saying goodbye. i remember the feeling of packing up at 1605 in University Commons and hated the entire thing... not only because the girls next door had a party and my parents were arriving the next day to load a truck, but because i was saying good bye to some very very wonderful elements in my life. i knew life would never be the same.
and it's kinda that way now. to jj, this house was our first home, the "love shack". to me, this was my first step into adulthood, the home to so many memories of wonderful times. it started with scraping wallpaper with mary and taping box patterns in my bedroom with scott. then there was "fun with ang and chad" night- complete with Pit and Anna and colored guitar. sitting on the couch with kristy, coming up with some of the best and worst ideas for youth events ever. i wish i had a dollar for every glass of wine we drank on that couch. then there was the crotcheting. and when K hung her hideous Kuenzli Tacky Craft wreath over my clock and wouldn't take it down until may.
Then Clinton nearly broke a toe trying to get Kristy moved out. watching movies and making smores in our backyard. small groups coming over, taking up my entire street because of bad parking jobs. setting up stations so that kids could pray throughout my entire home. making christmas goodies with alyssa, rachel and jordan. kelsey or abbie coming over so we can run.
it's crazy that it was a year ago when i said goodbye to being a church staffer. and now that i'm also leaving the place that was home to so much of that, i can see how important that space in my life really was to me. i knew it was important when i left the job, but now that i'm leaving the town, the home to it... well, i just miss it, that's all.
i'm sure ryan can vouch for it, but really it's harder on this side. kids loose one youth director (and get another). retired youth directors loose 50 kids (and there's no such thing as replacements).
ok, i need to be done with the melodrama. time to wish another one of my wonderful memories a happy grown-up life at their graduation party. onward we go.
i hate packing not only because it involves lifting heavy things and being forced to purge others ("what if i need that later?"), but because it also means saying goodbye. i remember the feeling of packing up at 1605 in University Commons and hated the entire thing... not only because the girls next door had a party and my parents were arriving the next day to load a truck, but because i was saying good bye to some very very wonderful elements in my life. i knew life would never be the same.
and it's kinda that way now. to jj, this house was our first home, the "love shack". to me, this was my first step into adulthood, the home to so many memories of wonderful times. it started with scraping wallpaper with mary and taping box patterns in my bedroom with scott. then there was "fun with ang and chad" night- complete with Pit and Anna and colored guitar. sitting on the couch with kristy, coming up with some of the best and worst ideas for youth events ever. i wish i had a dollar for every glass of wine we drank on that couch. then there was the crotcheting. and when K hung her hideous Kuenzli Tacky Craft wreath over my clock and wouldn't take it down until may.
Then Clinton nearly broke a toe trying to get Kristy moved out. watching movies and making smores in our backyard. small groups coming over, taking up my entire street because of bad parking jobs. setting up stations so that kids could pray throughout my entire home. making christmas goodies with alyssa, rachel and jordan. kelsey or abbie coming over so we can run.
it's crazy that it was a year ago when i said goodbye to being a church staffer. and now that i'm also leaving the place that was home to so much of that, i can see how important that space in my life really was to me. i knew it was important when i left the job, but now that i'm leaving the town, the home to it... well, i just miss it, that's all.
i'm sure ryan can vouch for it, but really it's harder on this side. kids loose one youth director (and get another). retired youth directors loose 50 kids (and there's no such thing as replacements).
ok, i need to be done with the melodrama. time to wish another one of my wonderful memories a happy grown-up life at their graduation party. onward we go.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
i don't really understand... but i guess it's okay.
i saw brian beall at work the other day. we hadn't crossed paths in a while and i realized the time had lapsed since his wife was scheduled to have a baby. so i asked about her. little one is doing great, happy healthy... all that exciting stuff.
so that closes out the numbers. all the people that were due to have babies at approximately the same time as me (some of them within days), now are at home with babies. the little ones have been born and there are reasons to rejoice. new life is always a reason to rejoice.
it's just hard to believe where life has brought us in the time that we lost our baby. life has changed SOOOO significantly, and continues to do so. good things. don't get me wrong, the miscarriage was one of the hardest things i've lived... but i'm in amazement at where life has taken us since. jj swiching careers. moving. a second chance.
though part of me wants to be a little sad for myself when i see May Baby pictures, there's a part of me that just trusts. i have to. if God can change things, bring things that we need- before we even know we need them - then how much more can we trust him.
may 9 passed by pretty uneventfully... no one really noticed. but i guess i shouldn't lend any more significance to it than what it's due- that time has passed, life has changed and that each day, God brings us what we need. and he'll continue to do so every day.
so that closes out the numbers. all the people that were due to have babies at approximately the same time as me (some of them within days), now are at home with babies. the little ones have been born and there are reasons to rejoice. new life is always a reason to rejoice.
it's just hard to believe where life has brought us in the time that we lost our baby. life has changed SOOOO significantly, and continues to do so. good things. don't get me wrong, the miscarriage was one of the hardest things i've lived... but i'm in amazement at where life has taken us since. jj swiching careers. moving. a second chance.
though part of me wants to be a little sad for myself when i see May Baby pictures, there's a part of me that just trusts. i have to. if God can change things, bring things that we need- before we even know we need them - then how much more can we trust him.
may 9 passed by pretty uneventfully... no one really noticed. but i guess i shouldn't lend any more significance to it than what it's due- that time has passed, life has changed and that each day, God brings us what we need. and he'll continue to do so every day.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
the year of jubilee (what if, what if...)
"In this Year of Jubilee everyone is to return to their own property. If you sell land to any of your own people or buy land from them, do not take advantage of each other. You are to buy from your own people on the basis of the number of years since the Jubilee...When the years are many, you are to increase the price and when the years are few, you are to decrease the price because what is really being sold to you is the number of crops." -Leviticus 25:13-16, bits and pieces.
I was reading this the other morning in my devotibible (how handy that the devotions are filled in...). The blurb that followed this section focused on freedom and knowing that freedom is coming, tying that in to the price paid by Christ. Good stuff, I assure you, I'm glad to be free "from the bondage of sin." Don't get me wrong. But somehow, and it could be that I'm just too much of a reader, I don't think that's necessarily what this passage was about. Let me re-phrase that- I don't think the original hearers of this wonderful, amazing message of Jubilee heard about freedom from sin. And I say that because of verse 23, [God speaking here:]
"The land must not be sold permanently, because the land is mine and you reside in my land as foreigners and strangers."
Call me crazy, and I probably am for many other reasons, i think God is serious about calling us to think about how we buy and sell. I think maybe, just maybe, God had some inkling that we humans would struggle with possessiveness and ownership and wanting more "stuff." He saw the moving Finding Nemo with the "mine mine mine" birds.
Can I remark how amazing God is to have the foresight to provide us a way out? I mean, he knows that over the traverse of time we'd get ourselves further into debt or seek after buying more and more stuff, land being the ultimate example. And instead of telling us what evil sinners we are, he just mandates a way out. He says, buy and sell as you might feel you need (read more of chapter 25 to get the details of selling the land or yourselves because of financial hardships), but remember that it's all on loan.
I wonder what life would be like if we realized that in another 50 years it all gets returned. That the house i live in is borrowed property, no matter whose name is on the mortgage. I wonder what it would be like for employers to realize that they're buying the crop, not the land- and that the fruits of my labor is all that's for sale, the land actually belongs to someone else. I wonder what it would be like if I realized that everything in my life- friends, family, education- is borrowed property and God, the owner of it all, is just blessing me by letting me enjoy.
The current status quo is like a friend loaning me their summer cottage for a vaca and then me trying to sell it off for profit. I can't! I don't even have true ownership.
I'm not sure how to begin making this a reality in my life, but if every 50 years God thinks its a good thing, then maybe it's something I should look into. Because can you imagine what the world would be like if we all realized that it's all just on loan?
I was reading this the other morning in my devotibible (how handy that the devotions are filled in...). The blurb that followed this section focused on freedom and knowing that freedom is coming, tying that in to the price paid by Christ. Good stuff, I assure you, I'm glad to be free "from the bondage of sin." Don't get me wrong. But somehow, and it could be that I'm just too much of a reader, I don't think that's necessarily what this passage was about. Let me re-phrase that- I don't think the original hearers of this wonderful, amazing message of Jubilee heard about freedom from sin. And I say that because of verse 23, [God speaking here:]
"The land must not be sold permanently, because the land is mine and you reside in my land as foreigners and strangers."
Call me crazy, and I probably am for many other reasons, i think God is serious about calling us to think about how we buy and sell. I think maybe, just maybe, God had some inkling that we humans would struggle with possessiveness and ownership and wanting more "stuff." He saw the moving Finding Nemo with the "mine mine mine" birds.
Can I remark how amazing God is to have the foresight to provide us a way out? I mean, he knows that over the traverse of time we'd get ourselves further into debt or seek after buying more and more stuff, land being the ultimate example. And instead of telling us what evil sinners we are, he just mandates a way out. He says, buy and sell as you might feel you need (read more of chapter 25 to get the details of selling the land or yourselves because of financial hardships), but remember that it's all on loan.
I wonder what life would be like if we realized that in another 50 years it all gets returned. That the house i live in is borrowed property, no matter whose name is on the mortgage. I wonder what it would be like for employers to realize that they're buying the crop, not the land- and that the fruits of my labor is all that's for sale, the land actually belongs to someone else. I wonder what it would be like if I realized that everything in my life- friends, family, education- is borrowed property and God, the owner of it all, is just blessing me by letting me enjoy.
The current status quo is like a friend loaning me their summer cottage for a vaca and then me trying to sell it off for profit. I can't! I don't even have true ownership.
I'm not sure how to begin making this a reality in my life, but if every 50 years God thinks its a good thing, then maybe it's something I should look into. Because can you imagine what the world would be like if we all realized that it's all just on loan?
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
certifiably crazy?
i was on the way home from work when the radio started a riddle. apparently if you came up with the correct answer, you gave the same response as a psychopath. guess who came up with it right away? yup. that does one on the ego for you. here you go, give it a try:
A woman goes to her mother's funeral. There she meets the man of her dreams. She can tell from the first moment that they will spend the rest of their lives together. Unfortunately, she fails to get his name, phone number or any other contact info from him. So they go their separate ways. 3 days later she kills her sister.
Why did she kill her sister?
I'd love to hear if you get it right :)
A woman goes to her mother's funeral. There she meets the man of her dreams. She can tell from the first moment that they will spend the rest of their lives together. Unfortunately, she fails to get his name, phone number or any other contact info from him. So they go their separate ways. 3 days later she kills her sister.
Why did she kill her sister?
I'd love to hear if you get it right :)
Sunday, March 30, 2008
i'm running out of movies
I've spent most of the weekend camped out on my couch (except for a wonderful stint down to the Jeffersonville outlet malls, which was very successful in many facets). Because of this, i'm running out of movies to watch. Friday was Center Stage, last night was the Increadibles and this morning was the Emporer's new groove. But JJ joined me for Rudy this afternoon, which is the movie that prompted this post.
Why can I not get through the movie without crying at the end? I mean... it's football. I've never played football nor have i got the crap beat out of me as part of a "team" but this movie contains something that grips me. (*Sidenote: ever since hearing Donald Miller's talk on Story, i seem to analyze my movies in a different way. I suggest the same for yourself). I usually start crying right when the older guy who tends the stadium yells at Rudy for quitting with one practice left, then the tears intensify as all the 1st string players turn in their jerseys so that Rudy can play in "their spot". Buy the time Rudy's dad gets off the bus and the stadium is chanting his name it's all out emotionalism. And when he gets in and then even gets the sack??? Ah.
But I couldn't stop wondering- why does this matter to me? Because Rudy worked so hard and he "deserved it"? No, i'm pretty against the "you deserve this" theology. We work hard because that's what you're supposed to do, not because of the reward on the other end, which i believe is the root of our selfishness. So is it because i wanted Rudy to "prove himself"? I don't think so, although his older brother did drive me crazy with his complete lack of support. But I think he proved something just by leaving town, so it had nothing to do with stepping onto the field.
My best guess at what jerks my tears is the sense of love and support that Rudy finally felt. He fought for attention and affection for most of his time growing up. It's not that no one really believed in him, but just that no one really saw him. His dad looked right through him, Notre Dame ignored him for several consecutive semesters, and then the new coach barely knew his name. But with the last game, Rudy saw that change. Players appreciated him for who he was and stepped in for him. His parents came to the game and they were proud of him. The stadium janitor worked through some of his pain and bitterness through Rudy.
And all Rudy really did was pursue that which he loved to do the most. I don't want to make light of his hard work- getting the grades, living in a locker room, living out of a singular duffel bag, seeing his ex-girlfriend with his brother, getting the crap beat out of him every day... that's not the life i'm wishing on anyone. So Rudy worked really hard- but ultimately he was doing what he loved and needed to do. He was being the person he was created to be, and suddenly people were able to see that and support him.
So, to me it wasn't a love story of man and football, or small guy doing great things. for me, it was a wonderful story of what happens when people want each other to succeed. when people are supportive, loving and encouraging. it's less about the individual than it is about the community in which s/he lives.
Why can I not get through the movie without crying at the end? I mean... it's football. I've never played football nor have i got the crap beat out of me as part of a "team" but this movie contains something that grips me. (*Sidenote: ever since hearing Donald Miller's talk on Story, i seem to analyze my movies in a different way. I suggest the same for yourself). I usually start crying right when the older guy who tends the stadium yells at Rudy for quitting with one practice left, then the tears intensify as all the 1st string players turn in their jerseys so that Rudy can play in "their spot". Buy the time Rudy's dad gets off the bus and the stadium is chanting his name it's all out emotionalism. And when he gets in and then even gets the sack??? Ah.
But I couldn't stop wondering- why does this matter to me? Because Rudy worked so hard and he "deserved it"? No, i'm pretty against the "you deserve this" theology. We work hard because that's what you're supposed to do, not because of the reward on the other end, which i believe is the root of our selfishness. So is it because i wanted Rudy to "prove himself"? I don't think so, although his older brother did drive me crazy with his complete lack of support. But I think he proved something just by leaving town, so it had nothing to do with stepping onto the field.
My best guess at what jerks my tears is the sense of love and support that Rudy finally felt. He fought for attention and affection for most of his time growing up. It's not that no one really believed in him, but just that no one really saw him. His dad looked right through him, Notre Dame ignored him for several consecutive semesters, and then the new coach barely knew his name. But with the last game, Rudy saw that change. Players appreciated him for who he was and stepped in for him. His parents came to the game and they were proud of him. The stadium janitor worked through some of his pain and bitterness through Rudy.
And all Rudy really did was pursue that which he loved to do the most. I don't want to make light of his hard work- getting the grades, living in a locker room, living out of a singular duffel bag, seeing his ex-girlfriend with his brother, getting the crap beat out of him every day... that's not the life i'm wishing on anyone. So Rudy worked really hard- but ultimately he was doing what he loved and needed to do. He was being the person he was created to be, and suddenly people were able to see that and support him.
So, to me it wasn't a love story of man and football, or small guy doing great things. for me, it was a wonderful story of what happens when people want each other to succeed. when people are supportive, loving and encouraging. it's less about the individual than it is about the community in which s/he lives.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
nothing, really.
I read all the posts my friend cara puts on her blog and i'm extremely woeful of my lack of things to post. i had a good weekend... anniversary celebration with jj on friday, wedding with friends from ou on saturday, pizza and cards with my folks saturday night, breakfast with one of my youth kids on sunday AM and lots of napping and lounging today (with an attempt at cinnamon rolls with spelt flour that i believe failed miserably).
a note about the spelt flour. it's healthy for you. better than wheat- not as heavy. but you can't used it in a cinnamon roll recipe or anything that in general is designed to be unhealthy for you at its core. muffins? maybe. a good wheat bread? sure. cinnamon rolls? no. just accept the sugary fact along with the melted butter and sugary goodness that you intended when you decided upon cinnamon rolls as your baked good.
i wish i had more thoughts. i might later. i've been pondering palm sunday today and wondering why i feel like i missed something... maybe after some reflection i'll post again.
a note about the spelt flour. it's healthy for you. better than wheat- not as heavy. but you can't used it in a cinnamon roll recipe or anything that in general is designed to be unhealthy for you at its core. muffins? maybe. a good wheat bread? sure. cinnamon rolls? no. just accept the sugary fact along with the melted butter and sugary goodness that you intended when you decided upon cinnamon rolls as your baked good.
i wish i had more thoughts. i might later. i've been pondering palm sunday today and wondering why i feel like i missed something... maybe after some reflection i'll post again.
Friday, March 7, 2008
she's here
aleena was born at 1 am today- sharing a birthday with my mom. everything went ok, sarah's doing good. i can't wait till i get to visit with this new little niece of mine!! i must say a highlight of the whole experience is my saintly mother-in-law and her sheer love for sarah and this new grandbaby. it's so exciting to see. its very different from the grandma marj love that i've seen thus far... it's hard to explain. but it's beautiful.
it's also straight up crazy that this thing, that for 9 months has only been an idea- "the baby"- is now a person. she's got personality, she's got life of her own. crazy. now, when it comes to the nature/nurture debate, i seem to fall pretty heavy on the nurture side- i feel we are products of our environment. but yet little aleena is not just some lifeless piece of clay ready to be molded, though surely her experiences will shape her. she's very much a distinct creation of God's own work. amazing.
i just sent kristy an im yesterday asking if we really can imagine things we've never seen. for instance, when i call people for work i try to imagine what they look like. i was imagining one man yesterday and then it struck me that he looked distinctly like larry hays, a friend from 7th grade. i thought, "is it even possible for me to create in my head an image that has not been influenced by the other things i know?" i don't think it is. or, if it is possible, it's a gift, which is probably why i'm jealous of most artists.
but the crazy thing is, God does this on a daily, if not hourly basis. he creates, not just based on what he knows, but on what he wants to give. wow, i'm having a deja vu moment, because that phrase came to me in a dream earlier this week and it's just coming to me. crazy. but back to it. God doesn't have Larry Hays on the brain when he creates Aleena. He creates Aleena based upon himself. isn't that phenomenel?
i feel the need to explain my deja vu phrase, "God creates, not just based on what he knows, but on what he wants to give." its like, God's creativity isn't hindered because he's made 867 children this way, so the next one will be like it. God doesn't fall prey to the "its just the way it is". instead, he loves and creates because it's what he does. not in the "i don't want to give you a nose, so i won't" kind of way, but more like when a little child paints a picture and i suddenly have blonde hair instead of red, because that's what the kid wants to give me. it's how s/he sees me. it's like an unhindered view of true beauty. that's what God has.
man, i wish i had an artistic spirit.
it's also straight up crazy that this thing, that for 9 months has only been an idea- "the baby"- is now a person. she's got personality, she's got life of her own. crazy. now, when it comes to the nature/nurture debate, i seem to fall pretty heavy on the nurture side- i feel we are products of our environment. but yet little aleena is not just some lifeless piece of clay ready to be molded, though surely her experiences will shape her. she's very much a distinct creation of God's own work. amazing.
i just sent kristy an im yesterday asking if we really can imagine things we've never seen. for instance, when i call people for work i try to imagine what they look like. i was imagining one man yesterday and then it struck me that he looked distinctly like larry hays, a friend from 7th grade. i thought, "is it even possible for me to create in my head an image that has not been influenced by the other things i know?" i don't think it is. or, if it is possible, it's a gift, which is probably why i'm jealous of most artists.
but the crazy thing is, God does this on a daily, if not hourly basis. he creates, not just based on what he knows, but on what he wants to give. wow, i'm having a deja vu moment, because that phrase came to me in a dream earlier this week and it's just coming to me. crazy. but back to it. God doesn't have Larry Hays on the brain when he creates Aleena. He creates Aleena based upon himself. isn't that phenomenel?
i feel the need to explain my deja vu phrase, "God creates, not just based on what he knows, but on what he wants to give." its like, God's creativity isn't hindered because he's made 867 children this way, so the next one will be like it. God doesn't fall prey to the "its just the way it is". instead, he loves and creates because it's what he does. not in the "i don't want to give you a nose, so i won't" kind of way, but more like when a little child paints a picture and i suddenly have blonde hair instead of red, because that's what the kid wants to give me. it's how s/he sees me. it's like an unhindered view of true beauty. that's what God has.
man, i wish i had an artistic spirit.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
leaving the comfy
open season. today was the first run of spring. it's march, spring must surely be coming- the snow was even starting to melt. it was a good day for a run.
I must say, however, it was a very different run than what i'm used to. it's been nearly 5 months of running indoors on a treadmill. in many ways this run was easier- i run faster on a treadmill, for longer, so i was barely tired when i got home (good news for the may 3rd quatro miler). on the other hand, it was much harder. some of it was dodging the not-melted patches of snice (snowy-ice mix, you know). some of it was not thinking about how cold my toesies were from not being able to dodge the last huge 3 mile puddle. some of it was worrying about how much mud roxanne would bring home with her. and last but not least was avoiding the spray from the semis going too fast down sandusky ave (i felt very "Forrest Gump" as i wiped my brow).
but the better runs are always outdoors. the challenge for me today was getting me out the door. i really wouldn't've (it's officially a word!) if Kristy hadn't called me and told me i had to.
So as i ran, i was thinking- as is my custom- mostly about some of the reading i've been doing. today's was a huge hunk of Joseph's life. i've been stuck in jacob's life, but finally yesterday emerged into Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoat. specifically how his brothers sold him to egypt but God watched over him and all but handed over the entire kingdom of egypt to joseph. this is because joseph was a dream-reader and new a famine was coming, so he saved grain during the years of plenty (probably a whole other post, btw).
so my first question was, "why did God give the message to the egyptians, rather than the israelites?" yes, i know, it has something to do with Joseph and "God's plan"- but that's the easy way out. throughout the rest of the story, God always gives the isrealites the inside scoop of what's coming, but this time he told Pharoah. and Joseph became all but an egyptian- complete with egyptian wives.
From this question emerges my sympathy for jacob. he spent most of his live wondering around, working off 2 wives (one of which he didn't even want) and trying to get back home to Cannon to live in the promised land of his father. he finally gets there. life is good (except for the heartache of loosing joseph, of course). he's ready to die a semi-happy man.
but God brings upon a famine and joseph gets the whole family to move to Goshen (which is also a township in ohio). WHY??? WHY DOES JACOB HAVE TO GO? why does God do this?
he was living in cannon, the land of his fathers, the land which GOD HIMSELF promised him he would possess. it's been good to him up to this point- great livestock, lots of money- when they move to goshen, they are rich. they're just grainless.
but then i think about jacob. he's ready to die a semi-happy man. he did a few notable things, one being that he turned his life around from the liar he started out to be, but probably doesn't live up to the standard of grandpa abraham.
so this is my pondering: was cannon too comfortable? i haven't gotten to this part yet (recently), but i think we'll see a little bit of that after the exodus- the land flowing with milk and honey becomes a little to cushy and the people of God forget where they've come from.
i wonder if that's the case here with jacob. life was a little too good.
it's like spending too many months on a treadmill. the run outside will do you good. it works a few different muscles (specifically when you get to those hills!). it makes you consider other elements.
obviously, this could have great personal implications. but my life hasn't been "cozy" lately, so i'll take it a different direction. how's life been for the Church? are we experiencing Cannon? i don't really think we can honestly say we've endured much persecution (when you put it on a scale with underground house churches in asia). i wonder if maybe we're living in comfy land, running on a treadmill with no wind or puddles to think about, but all the time we should be getting ready for a tougher run outside.
or better yet, let me take it this route: what about america, land of the free, home of the brave. aren't we mostly a land flowing with milk and honey? what might that mean? (yeah, that was only partially a question).
I must say, however, it was a very different run than what i'm used to. it's been nearly 5 months of running indoors on a treadmill. in many ways this run was easier- i run faster on a treadmill, for longer, so i was barely tired when i got home (good news for the may 3rd quatro miler). on the other hand, it was much harder. some of it was dodging the not-melted patches of snice (snowy-ice mix, you know). some of it was not thinking about how cold my toesies were from not being able to dodge the last huge 3 mile puddle. some of it was worrying about how much mud roxanne would bring home with her. and last but not least was avoiding the spray from the semis going too fast down sandusky ave (i felt very "Forrest Gump" as i wiped my brow).
but the better runs are always outdoors. the challenge for me today was getting me out the door. i really wouldn't've (it's officially a word!) if Kristy hadn't called me and told me i had to.
So as i ran, i was thinking- as is my custom- mostly about some of the reading i've been doing. today's was a huge hunk of Joseph's life. i've been stuck in jacob's life, but finally yesterday emerged into Joseph and his technicolor dreamcoat. specifically how his brothers sold him to egypt but God watched over him and all but handed over the entire kingdom of egypt to joseph. this is because joseph was a dream-reader and new a famine was coming, so he saved grain during the years of plenty (probably a whole other post, btw).
so my first question was, "why did God give the message to the egyptians, rather than the israelites?" yes, i know, it has something to do with Joseph and "God's plan"- but that's the easy way out. throughout the rest of the story, God always gives the isrealites the inside scoop of what's coming, but this time he told Pharoah. and Joseph became all but an egyptian- complete with egyptian wives.
From this question emerges my sympathy for jacob. he spent most of his live wondering around, working off 2 wives (one of which he didn't even want) and trying to get back home to Cannon to live in the promised land of his father. he finally gets there. life is good (except for the heartache of loosing joseph, of course). he's ready to die a semi-happy man.
but God brings upon a famine and joseph gets the whole family to move to Goshen (which is also a township in ohio). WHY??? WHY DOES JACOB HAVE TO GO? why does God do this?
he was living in cannon, the land of his fathers, the land which GOD HIMSELF promised him he would possess. it's been good to him up to this point- great livestock, lots of money- when they move to goshen, they are rich. they're just grainless.
but then i think about jacob. he's ready to die a semi-happy man. he did a few notable things, one being that he turned his life around from the liar he started out to be, but probably doesn't live up to the standard of grandpa abraham.
so this is my pondering: was cannon too comfortable? i haven't gotten to this part yet (recently), but i think we'll see a little bit of that after the exodus- the land flowing with milk and honey becomes a little to cushy and the people of God forget where they've come from.
i wonder if that's the case here with jacob. life was a little too good.
it's like spending too many months on a treadmill. the run outside will do you good. it works a few different muscles (specifically when you get to those hills!). it makes you consider other elements.
obviously, this could have great personal implications. but my life hasn't been "cozy" lately, so i'll take it a different direction. how's life been for the Church? are we experiencing Cannon? i don't really think we can honestly say we've endured much persecution (when you put it on a scale with underground house churches in asia). i wonder if maybe we're living in comfy land, running on a treadmill with no wind or puddles to think about, but all the time we should be getting ready for a tougher run outside.
or better yet, let me take it this route: what about america, land of the free, home of the brave. aren't we mostly a land flowing with milk and honey? what might that mean? (yeah, that was only partially a question).
Thursday, February 14, 2008
it's not as easy as it sounds
so for this year's lenten season i did some evaluating of what needed improvement in my life. since time seems to be of the essence for me, i decided to do something that would help me be wise with the hours i've been given- i'm tired of saying "i didn't have time." it's typically not true, i just didn't make time (*with the exception of stuff that needs to be done during regular business hours, like calling hospitals and insurance companies. i literally did not have time to call them).
so, i thought to myself, "what takes up time that really isn't productive or recreative?" that's how i came up with facebook as my lenten sacrifice. it eats up time but really does nothing for me.
i can't believe how hard it's actually been! a few people have written on my wall or sent me messages- i hate that i can't get to it. but even more, i come home at the end of the the day and i want to see what everyone else has done, said or posted. what's going on in so-and-so's life? who is xyz dating? oh, STATUS change????
it's emotional pornography. i'm escaping my world and my bad day for the hopes that life is better inside the Book. i watch as others' lives unfold right before me so that i don't have to deal with what's happening in my life- or, at least, i use it to make myself feel better, saying, "at least i don't ________."
i'd have to say, lent is making me not only face the time i have with questions of "how can i use it now that i have it?" but as well, "well, michele, who are you? what do you feel?"
lent is so good, in a just-ran-a-really-hard-run-but-it-kinda-hurts kind of way.
so, i thought to myself, "what takes up time that really isn't productive or recreative?" that's how i came up with facebook as my lenten sacrifice. it eats up time but really does nothing for me.
i can't believe how hard it's actually been! a few people have written on my wall or sent me messages- i hate that i can't get to it. but even more, i come home at the end of the the day and i want to see what everyone else has done, said or posted. what's going on in so-and-so's life? who is xyz dating? oh, STATUS change????
it's emotional pornography. i'm escaping my world and my bad day for the hopes that life is better inside the Book. i watch as others' lives unfold right before me so that i don't have to deal with what's happening in my life- or, at least, i use it to make myself feel better, saying, "at least i don't ________."
i'd have to say, lent is making me not only face the time i have with questions of "how can i use it now that i have it?" but as well, "well, michele, who are you? what do you feel?"
lent is so good, in a just-ran-a-really-hard-run-but-it-kinda-hurts kind of way.
Monday, February 11, 2008
who touched me?
the woman has been sick for years, she thinks, "just touch his robe, then i can be healed". Jesus is among lots and lots of people and he knows when she touches him.
this is not just a story of how jesus is very sensitive. actually, i think it's more about the woman. Jesus says, "your faith has healed you."
here's what i think. i think jesus knows the difference between touch. he knows the difference between someone getting close to him because they recognize that he has the power to change their life, and someone who's getting close to him to watch the show. he can tell when someone touches him as if their life depends upon it. it's not an accidental bump or stepping oh his sandal because you're walking too close.
to use an rti phrase, jesus knows when you're "reaching out" and making the effort instead of haphazardly bumping into him.
"ask seek knock".
"reach out to me and you will find healing because of your faith."
this is not just a story of how jesus is very sensitive. actually, i think it's more about the woman. Jesus says, "your faith has healed you."
here's what i think. i think jesus knows the difference between touch. he knows the difference between someone getting close to him because they recognize that he has the power to change their life, and someone who's getting close to him to watch the show. he can tell when someone touches him as if their life depends upon it. it's not an accidental bump or stepping oh his sandal because you're walking too close.
to use an rti phrase, jesus knows when you're "reaching out" and making the effort instead of haphazardly bumping into him.
"ask seek knock".
"reach out to me and you will find healing because of your faith."
Thursday, February 7, 2008
i love good friends
i love when you have friends that just know that when you say "can we talk" that really means "i need to talk to you right now, i really don't want to cry all by myself and i need to feel validated please please please pay attention to me."
i love that i have a friend that can tell me, "it's not the feelings that you have that are wrong- it's what you do with those feelings."
i love that i have a friend that can tell me that i don't have to try. and she really means it.
for the record, i also love friends that will come to book club when it's evident that no one read the book and the ones who did (partially) will testify that it's really not that good, but they make the trip anyway because it's a good time and you made a lot of food.
i love friends that will give me her clothes to wear for an entire weekend because my husband forgot to bring the bags i packed.
i love good friends. i need good friends. not just because it makes life better, but i really think i'd go crazy without them. and because i'd have to go to a redwings game without any pants.
i love that i have a friend that can tell me, "it's not the feelings that you have that are wrong- it's what you do with those feelings."
i love that i have a friend that can tell me that i don't have to try. and she really means it.
for the record, i also love friends that will come to book club when it's evident that no one read the book and the ones who did (partially) will testify that it's really not that good, but they make the trip anyway because it's a good time and you made a lot of food.
i love friends that will give me her clothes to wear for an entire weekend because my husband forgot to bring the bags i packed.
i love good friends. i need good friends. not just because it makes life better, but i really think i'd go crazy without them. and because i'd have to go to a redwings game without any pants.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
the key to a good movie
i went this evening to watch 27 dresses as a compensation of sorts for sitting through the superbowl. for a quick review, the movie is 200% stereotypical chick flick (can you say how to loose a guy in 10 days?), but i enjoyed.
donald miller gave a sermon at mars hill once on the use of story. listen to it. then you'll know that i'm going to steal some of his concepts and make them my own.
the key to a good story is that you identify with the character. thus, the correlation to me not really connecting to Rocky. but romantic comedies, though completely fake (if you notice they never have a boring day at work and always have time for elaborate breakfasts and late night "drinks" with friends), still have their charm in that they take a small spark of something you feel on the inside and they "fan the flame" if you will.
which, for a movie about "always a bridesmaid, never a bride" is very interesting to me. 3 of the 4 gals i was sitting with were married. yet we were all somehow emotionally tied to this movie. which goes to show, in Rob Bell's words, "this is always about that." (read SexGod for more).
so, back to characters and movies. i have this crazy feeling that every girl in the theater was envisioning themselves as the main character, Jane. no one in there really saw Tess, the beautiful, spoiled little sister who took the guy from Jane without knowing it, and thought "hey, that is so me!"
it's amazing the emotion a chick flick can evoke. it's like the movie takes that which you feel deepest (be it loneliness, anger, feeling overlooked and under appreciated... just to name a few that this particular movie centered in on), and highlights it. the movie takes it and becomes your voice because everyone in the theater knows that it's not right.
the problem is, as much as i felt jane's pain, as much as we all feel like her, we're not her. there are pieces of us that ring true, and that's why we feel that way. but there are pieces of each of the characters that are alive in us. i am also the loud-mouthed bff who says things she shouldn't. and i'm the demanding sister who doesn't think about other people's feelings before she rips up an heirloom wedding dress.
i love movies because i can identify with the hero. i hate movies because i see the vileness of the villan in me. i love movies because when the heroine's wrongs are righted, i feel justice. i hate movies because i must come to grips with the fact that i'm part of the problem in someone else's wrongs.
donald miller gave a sermon at mars hill once on the use of story. listen to it. then you'll know that i'm going to steal some of his concepts and make them my own.
the key to a good story is that you identify with the character. thus, the correlation to me not really connecting to Rocky. but romantic comedies, though completely fake (if you notice they never have a boring day at work and always have time for elaborate breakfasts and late night "drinks" with friends), still have their charm in that they take a small spark of something you feel on the inside and they "fan the flame" if you will.
which, for a movie about "always a bridesmaid, never a bride" is very interesting to me. 3 of the 4 gals i was sitting with were married. yet we were all somehow emotionally tied to this movie. which goes to show, in Rob Bell's words, "this is always about that." (read SexGod for more).
so, back to characters and movies. i have this crazy feeling that every girl in the theater was envisioning themselves as the main character, Jane. no one in there really saw Tess, the beautiful, spoiled little sister who took the guy from Jane without knowing it, and thought "hey, that is so me!"
it's amazing the emotion a chick flick can evoke. it's like the movie takes that which you feel deepest (be it loneliness, anger, feeling overlooked and under appreciated... just to name a few that this particular movie centered in on), and highlights it. the movie takes it and becomes your voice because everyone in the theater knows that it's not right.
the problem is, as much as i felt jane's pain, as much as we all feel like her, we're not her. there are pieces of us that ring true, and that's why we feel that way. but there are pieces of each of the characters that are alive in us. i am also the loud-mouthed bff who says things she shouldn't. and i'm the demanding sister who doesn't think about other people's feelings before she rips up an heirloom wedding dress.
i love movies because i can identify with the hero. i hate movies because i see the vileness of the villan in me. i love movies because when the heroine's wrongs are righted, i feel justice. i hate movies because i must come to grips with the fact that i'm part of the problem in someone else's wrongs.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
timing is everything?
"Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus, but oddly, when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed on where he was for 2 more days. After the 2 days, he said to his disciples, "Let's go back to Judea." (John 11:5-7, The Message)
I was stuck on this story in the not-so-distant past and I think I might go somewhere with it in the near future. This morning I was pondering the timing of it all. Mary and Martha send word to Jesus that Lazarus is not doing so hot. Now, we know that previously Mary was at the feet of Jesus (the story introduces her this way), so we have an idea that maybe M&M aren't requesting that Jesus come sit shiva with them like good friends do. It wasn't a "get in your final goodbye" or "I need you here with me in this hard time" request. I don't think so. I think it was a "please, please Jesus come and save him or he's going to die." I'm going on a hunch that Mary and Martha were 2 ladies that "got it" that Jesus was the Messiah and did have the power to restore Lazarus back to health, so they asked him to do it.
Jesus hears the message and waits for 2 days before deciding to go back to Judea. On the third day (*ahem, note timing), he says, "welp, there's 12 hours of good travel time. Let's go."
There's a brief sidebar conversation by the disciples, and if left to their devices they never would've went to Judea at all- but that's a later conversation.
So they get to Bethany and they find that Lazarus is dead. Not just a "ooohhh, you just missed him." He's 4 days dead. In nowadays time, the funeral is over (in Jewish time, they've still got 3 days left).
So let's add this up... 4 days dead. Day 4 was the "12 hours of daylight" travel time. Day 2 and 3 was when Jesus was apparently sitting around and proving a point. Day 1- well, that's when Jesus got the message. And if you account for the 12 hours for the messenger to get to wherever Jesus was (which is a bit of a mystery at this point), we find that by the time Jesus learns of Lazarus' sickness, he was actually already dead.
So, this is my question to you: Why did Mary and Martha wait until Lazzie was on his deathbed before they called in Jesus? Why not when he was coughing and sputtering? Why is it that at the first sign of needing Jesus we think that we "shouldn't bother him" but when it gets to life and death all of a sudden we're sending urgent messages and yelling at him when he shows up 4 days too late?
I'm not putting the blame on M&M for Lazarus' death- Jesus said outright that it would be an occasion for all to believe. But I think we can look at M&M's actions and learn a little something about ourselves. But what kind of faith-test do we put ourselves, and Jesus, in when we wait until the moment of desperation to seek after Him? Why do we only want him at the very end, when it really, really counts?
Now, I know there's a place for desperation- I've been to that point when you need to realize that there's no other rock to which you can cling. But I wonder how the story would be different if Mary and Martha had asked Jesus to stop by a few weeks earlier because Lazzie had a hacking cough he just couldn't lick. Mary and Martha wouldn't have been frustrated with Jesus showing up a bit late. He would've had perfect timing, then.
But then again, there would be no miracle- a "turnaround sign for many of the Jews" (11:45).
I was stuck on this story in the not-so-distant past and I think I might go somewhere with it in the near future. This morning I was pondering the timing of it all. Mary and Martha send word to Jesus that Lazarus is not doing so hot. Now, we know that previously Mary was at the feet of Jesus (the story introduces her this way), so we have an idea that maybe M&M aren't requesting that Jesus come sit shiva with them like good friends do. It wasn't a "get in your final goodbye" or "I need you here with me in this hard time" request. I don't think so. I think it was a "please, please Jesus come and save him or he's going to die." I'm going on a hunch that Mary and Martha were 2 ladies that "got it" that Jesus was the Messiah and did have the power to restore Lazarus back to health, so they asked him to do it.
Jesus hears the message and waits for 2 days before deciding to go back to Judea. On the third day (*ahem, note timing), he says, "welp, there's 12 hours of good travel time. Let's go."
There's a brief sidebar conversation by the disciples, and if left to their devices they never would've went to Judea at all- but that's a later conversation.
So they get to Bethany and they find that Lazarus is dead. Not just a "ooohhh, you just missed him." He's 4 days dead. In nowadays time, the funeral is over (in Jewish time, they've still got 3 days left).
So let's add this up... 4 days dead. Day 4 was the "12 hours of daylight" travel time. Day 2 and 3 was when Jesus was apparently sitting around and proving a point. Day 1- well, that's when Jesus got the message. And if you account for the 12 hours for the messenger to get to wherever Jesus was (which is a bit of a mystery at this point), we find that by the time Jesus learns of Lazarus' sickness, he was actually already dead.
So, this is my question to you: Why did Mary and Martha wait until Lazzie was on his deathbed before they called in Jesus? Why not when he was coughing and sputtering? Why is it that at the first sign of needing Jesus we think that we "shouldn't bother him" but when it gets to life and death all of a sudden we're sending urgent messages and yelling at him when he shows up 4 days too late?
I'm not putting the blame on M&M for Lazarus' death- Jesus said outright that it would be an occasion for all to believe. But I think we can look at M&M's actions and learn a little something about ourselves. But what kind of faith-test do we put ourselves, and Jesus, in when we wait until the moment of desperation to seek after Him? Why do we only want him at the very end, when it really, really counts?
Now, I know there's a place for desperation- I've been to that point when you need to realize that there's no other rock to which you can cling. But I wonder how the story would be different if Mary and Martha had asked Jesus to stop by a few weeks earlier because Lazzie had a hacking cough he just couldn't lick. Mary and Martha wouldn't have been frustrated with Jesus showing up a bit late. He would've had perfect timing, then.
But then again, there would be no miracle- a "turnaround sign for many of the Jews" (11:45).
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
better think of something good...
I had my first "adult education" bible study class tonight. I wasn't really sure what to expect, so I put a few ideas together. as usual, God shows that his plans are beyond our understanding, so it'll be a good adventure over the next few weeks. the Bible is always a good adventure. but this is not the point of the blog... the point came when one woman (the coordinator of it all) said she had read up on my blog and enjoyed a post. i thought, "what blog... oh, yeah.... I haven't touched that for a while!" so, now that people are checking, i have to come up with something brilliant. ah, pressure.
but no, actually this has been burning lately and i haven't felt propelled to post because i thought it would just ring empty into cyber space. now i shall give it some air time.
We were at bible study last week (my usual ladies, not the special class) and Wendy brought up Jesus' difficult teaching on the rich and heaven. She said, "how do we teach that rich people, straight up, won't get into heaven?"
it is then, by the grace of God, that a realization came (and i know it was from God because I had never thought it before, nor understood it until it came out)... it's not about who does or does not get into heaven. it's about who will let the Kingdom of Heaven rule in their hearts. the rich are so filled up on their concerns about the riches of the world and whatnot that there's no room for God to do their thing.
think about it... the beatitudes are all about the lacking- being poor, grief, giving up control and power. it's when you have to let go of things or people that you can finally open your arms to what God has for you.
it made me really reflect- what fills my heart? what's taking up space that God can't get in? Oswald said this morning (can you tell what i'm reading again?) that it's easy to find God in the hard times- it's when things are easy that it's tough. when life is good you have something to cling to. when life is hard you learn the difference between a rock and a sandy beach- some things are sturdy and some drift with a whim.
this thought is not as nearly put-together as i'd like it to be. but maybe it'll come together after some further ponderings. until then, i'm going to go to sleep :)
but no, actually this has been burning lately and i haven't felt propelled to post because i thought it would just ring empty into cyber space. now i shall give it some air time.
We were at bible study last week (my usual ladies, not the special class) and Wendy brought up Jesus' difficult teaching on the rich and heaven. She said, "how do we teach that rich people, straight up, won't get into heaven?"
it is then, by the grace of God, that a realization came (and i know it was from God because I had never thought it before, nor understood it until it came out)... it's not about who does or does not get into heaven. it's about who will let the Kingdom of Heaven rule in their hearts. the rich are so filled up on their concerns about the riches of the world and whatnot that there's no room for God to do their thing.
think about it... the beatitudes are all about the lacking- being poor, grief, giving up control and power. it's when you have to let go of things or people that you can finally open your arms to what God has for you.
it made me really reflect- what fills my heart? what's taking up space that God can't get in? Oswald said this morning (can you tell what i'm reading again?) that it's easy to find God in the hard times- it's when things are easy that it's tough. when life is good you have something to cling to. when life is hard you learn the difference between a rock and a sandy beach- some things are sturdy and some drift with a whim.
this thought is not as nearly put-together as i'd like it to be. but maybe it'll come together after some further ponderings. until then, i'm going to go to sleep :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)